Thursday, February 4, 2016

Creepy First Grade Hallways

Sometimes first grade hallways, full of  7 and 8 year olds, are.. creepy. I spend about half my life roaming hallways looking for trouble and hearing things that would land someone much older in jail. Murder threats, greed, extortion, libel, slander -- all prevalent in the first grade hallways of an elementary school. Don't believe me? Spend 15 minutes outside the 1st grade bathroom in the morning. It will put hair on your chest. Last week I walked by and heard some young hooligan scream "You'll never catch me alive!". I shrugged it off, emotionally bruised and jaded by the consistent lack of chivalry in that first grade hallway. I have become a tired pedestrian in a world where I am a pawn to a massive conglomerate of manipulative seven year olds.

I really felt it after my latest run-in when I was approached by a stern looking young lad. Our existential conversation on the human conscience and its mechanisms ended with the child stating "I once had a conscience. He's gone now".

I promptly handed over my lunch money.

Creepy First Grade Hallways -- it's basically Gotham City at night.


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