One-Uppers

Anything you can do, I can do better.

Have you ever seen the "Penlope: The One-Upper" skits on SNL? You know, the skits where someone tells the character Penelope that they are "having a baby" to which she responds something like "Well, I'm having puppy babies"? Honestly, this is the story of my life. If you were to visit my school, you would see 120 cute little 7 year old Penelope-the-One-Uppers, one-upping everyone at an incredible pace. Thing is, my "Penelope's" are much more hard-core than any version SNL could contrive. Mine are rated R one uppers. Fearless. Primitive and untamed.

Let me break it down for you.


Me: Second grade, let's talk a little bit about bullies. What does a bully do to people?
2nd Grader #1: "A bully is someone who is mean"
2nd Grader #2: "A bully is someone who hits people"
2nd Grader #3: "A bully is someone who will follow you down the hall and slam you into lockers"
2nd Grader #4: "A bully is someone who will follow you down the hall and break all of your fingers one at a time"

or

Me: Kindergarten, let's talk about respect. How do we show respect at home?

Kindergartner #1: "Don't hit anyone"

Kindergartner #2: "Don't hit your sister"

Kindergartner #3: "Don't hit your sister or your Mom and Dad"

Kindergartner #4: "Don't hit your Mom or Dad... or your Grandma!!"

This happens to me several times a day, whether we are talking about rain boots or Grandmothers. I've pretty much gotten it down to a system where I can get 2 or 3 responses and then we have to move on or Hari Kari breaks lose and I start to feel bad because they are obviously much smarter than I am. 

So, the next time that your husband (who just so happens to be a guidance counselor), starts to one-up you when  telling him about your day, just remember one thing: He's been doing it since age 5 and he's better than you.