One-Uppers

Anything you can do, I can do better.

Have you ever seen the "Penlope: The One-Upper" skits on SNL? You know, the skits where someone tells the character Penelope that they are "having a baby" to which she responds something like "Well, I'm having puppy babies"? Honestly, this is the story of my life. If you were to visit my school, you would see 120 cute little 7 year old Penelope-the-One-Uppers, one-upping everyone at an incredible pace. Thing is, my "Penelope's" are much more hard-core than any version SNL could contrive. Mine are rated R one uppers. Fearless. Primitive and untamed.

Let me break it down for you.


Me: Second grade, let's talk a little bit about bullies. What does a bully do to people?
2nd Grader #1: "A bully is someone who is mean"
2nd Grader #2: "A bully is someone who hits people"
2nd Grader #3: "A bully is someone who will follow you down the hall and slam you into lockers"
2nd Grader #4: "A bully is someone who will follow you down the hall and break all of your fingers one at a time"

or

Me: Kindergarten, let's talk about respect. How do we show respect at home?

Kindergartner #1: "Don't hit anyone"

Kindergartner #2: "Don't hit your sister"

Kindergartner #3: "Don't hit your sister or your Mom and Dad"

Kindergartner #4: "Don't hit your Mom or Dad... or your Grandma!!"

This happens to me several times a day, whether we are talking about rain boots or Grandmothers. I've pretty much gotten it down to a system where I can get 2 or 3 responses and then we have to move on or Hari Kari breaks lose and I start to feel bad because they are obviously much smarter than I am. 

So, the next time that your husband (who just so happens to be a guidance counselor), starts to one-up you when  telling him about your day, just remember one thing: He's been doing it since age 5 and he's better than you.

Bus Drivers.

The Rodney Dangerfield of School Careers

Well, we're through the first quarter of the school year already and I can tell you one thing right off the bat: I love my kids. They're a blast. Even with the the continual spilling of chocolate milk on my $50 khakis, the brown crayons that get smeared all over said khakis, being continually confused with the one other male teacher in the building, and being continually corrected on MY grammatical skills.. I love the little punks.

When you care about someone and your sensitive (like me), you sort of get a handle on what the other person does not like. In my case as a school counselor it's often cooties, writing, vegetables, anything taking more than 10 minutes,  manners, or rainy days. In a recent event, I found one other thing to add to that exhaustive list: Bus Drivers.

Let's circle back to the interaction, which went a little something like this:

Chool Counselor: "1st grade, we've talked about some important careers that help people, can you name some more?"
1st Grader #1: "Doctor"
1st Grader #2: "Nurse"
1st Grader #3: "Firefighter"
1st Grader #4: "Mommies"
Chool Counselor "Well, class, would you like to hear about one more? This career helps all of us so much, we couldn't be here without it. They are with us when we go to school and on our way home. We need this career so much"
*gasps of awe from the entire class*
Chool Counselor: "It's.. our bus drivers!!!"
1st Grader #1: *uncontrollable laughter*
1st Grader #2: "seriously?"
1st Grader #3: "very funny"
1st Grader #4: "I believe, sir, that you are a first class fool" (it felt like they were saying that..)

Well, let's just say that we had to have a nice long talk after that. We talked about how everyone deserves our respect and that sometimes we (wrongly) overlook the people that we need the most, because they are already there and we've gotten so used to their dependability. I also got to share with my students that being in a community is like being a part of a body: If the foot told the leg that he "didn't need it", what a mess we would be in! All of the "parts" are needed to function the way that we are made to be and without every part things just wouldn't go right. I think that things concluded correctly and we returned to talking about beating up bad guys and listening to Justin Bieber.

Now, if I could just get them to eat their peas..