Secrets

For all parents reading this, you need to know something very important. You can't keep any secrets. They all come out in Guidance Class. All. Of. Them.

Take today for instance..

Chool Counselor: "Kindergartners, let's talk a little bit today about respect. Respect is treating others the way that you would want to be treated."

Student "Mr. Counselor, My mom used to work at Hooters."

Chool Counselor: "Thank-you Jenny."

Safety Patrol

Every year, I spend some time attempting to teach my wonderful, beautiful, elementary students about the "individuals in the community that keep them safe"... Police Officers, Firefighters, Park Rangers and the like. However, these yearly entrails never go completely without verbal happenstance:

Chool Counselor: "Kindergartners, tell me a reason why you might need one of these people to help you?"

Kindergartner #1: "Explosives"
Kindergartner #2: "Heart Attacks"


Or the involvement of organized crime..

Chool Counselor: "2nd Grade, Police Officers are so important. They are friendly and can help you in many ways."

2nd Grader #1: "Not dirty cops, Mr. P"

Chool Counselor: *Sigh*

2nd Grader #2: "Mr. P, what's a dirty cop?"

Chool Counselor: *Sigh*


My end goal is to always impart to my students a little bit of wisdom and share a positive image of those first-responders in our communities that put their lives on the line for us. If I have to clear up some misconceptions about the Mafia in the mean time, so be it.

Dinner Time

Dinner time conversation between my kindergarten teacher wife and her school counselor husband:

Wife: "Did you see what happened during breakfast duty in the cafeteria?"
Me: "I try and stay out of the cafeteria during breakfast duty"
Wife: "Some kindergartner vomited.. It was stinky and chunky... and the janitor was busy outside and so it just sat there looking nasty"
Me: "Huh."
Wife: "Yea, it was just too early in the morning to look at vomit. I called the janitor and told her that she just had to get in there."
Me: "Hmm. Let's pack our lunches for tomorrow."

Manners

There are about a bajillion different little job responsibilities that an elementary school counselor has (this is nothing compared to say a teacher, or principal, whose job responsibilities easily top the 5 bajillion mark). One of these is to teach "socially appropriate behaviors", which in non-academic language (or "layman's terms") means manners. Believe it or not, kids need manners.

You might not know this about me, but take my wife's word for it, I am definitely not an expert on this subject. As something of 20 something year old, male, I would rather let more veteran hands handle this sensitive topic. However, year after year I step up to the plate, give it my best, and do a few lessons on the topic of "manners".

I really value the conversations with my students that ensue during readings of "Mind Your Manners B.B. Wolf", "Dude, that's Rude!"  and other unrivaled works of esoteric literature. For example, during our latest foray into the world of "socially appropriate behaviors", one conversation went like this:

Me: "Alright first graders, who can tell me some reasons why we choose to show manners?"
First Grader: "We should always knock on doors before going in.."
Me: "..and why do we do that?"
First Grader: "Because Mom and Dad might be wrapping Christmas presents!"

School Counselors: protecting the sanctity of Christmas, one first grader at a time.